Saying Goodbye
by dawneh
Summary: Letting go of love once is just stupid... to do it twice would be a crime
1. Chapter 1

There was a time when I thought that saying goodbye to Craig Dean was the hardest thing I would ever have to do.

I loved him, was in love with him and that was the one thing I never doubted. From the moment we met I knew there was something special about him. He let me behind the mask that he showed to the world, he showed me his vulnerability and his fears and I loved him.

I know he loved me too although he never said it. He was never able to say it. Loving me caused him pain, caused him conflict and anguish and in turn he would take that pain out on me.

I never felt more alive than when he held me in his arms, when he kissed me and when he made love to me. I never felt more alone than when he walked away.

There were times when we were alone that he would look at me and I thought my heart would break with the love I felt. There were times when he would look at me and my heart would break at the disgust in his eyes.

He could never understand his feelings for me and so he fought them and in fighting them he would hurt himself and in turn he would hurt me. Maybe he was trying to make me hate him, to stop me from loving him, but I never could and I never did.

There were times when I sat on my bed with the tears of rejection soaking my face that I would vow never to let him hurt me again, never to let him back into my arms, back into my bed. But then he would come to me with that look in his beautiful soft brown eyes, with that need, and I would crumble. I would hold him and love him and take the pain that I knew would follow.

But in the end I had to leave. The pain we caused each other was too destructive and I feared we would never survive it.

I can still remember the day we said goodbye. I had wanted a quiet farewell but still my family and friends gathered outside my home to see me go.

And the look in Craig's eyes made me want to weep. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and never let go. But I couldn't, nobody new what we were to each other, they could never know. As I said goodbye to his girlfriend I asked her to take care of him, I never knew if she did, I always hoped so.

As I turned to Craig I almost changed my mind. I wanted to scream out that I loved this man. Instead I just held him, a final hug for a friend, a final embrace for my lover. I whispered into his hair that I loved him and as I stepped back his eyes told me that he loved me too. The tears he was unable to shed sparkled in the sunlight.

We never said that we would keep in touch because we knew we wouldn't. We knew that I would never return to the village, to Chester. I would never write or call. It had to be goodbye; there could be no looking back.

Then I got into my taxi and I left him behind. I watched as the figure of him faded from view as he stood motionless, I often wondered how long he stood there

That was 10 years ago but I never forgot the boy that I loved.

I moved on. I created a new life for myself. A home, a job and good friends. I never told them about Craig, he was too special, and the memories of him were mine.

But tucked inside a drawer was an old worn photograph of a young man with gentle brown eyes laughing and happy.

I would sometimes look at that picture and smile as the memory of my love held me like the arms of an old friend.

I would sometimes look at that picture and weep as the memory of the love I lost cut through me like a blade.

There was a time when I thought that saying goodbye to Craig Dean was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. But then I met him again.


	2. Chapter 2

There was only one man I ever fell in love with and his name was John Paul McQueen.

He came into my life when I was in desperate need of a friend. He came into my life and changed it, changed me.

At last there was someone who I wasn't afraid to show the real me. He knew me; he understood me and he never judged me.

We had a bond that seemed impossible to break. A friendship that seemed impossible to end.

I didn't even realise that I was in love with him until it was almost too late. Until he had found someone else.

The first time we made love I began to understand what I had been searching for all this time. But the fear and uncertainty made me cruel and I turned my back on him.

I remembered the old expression "You always hurt the one you love." I had never understood this saying, I could never see how this could be but I soon learned the truth. I loved John Paul more that I could bare and yet I hurt him more than I ever thought I was capable of.

I was so afraid of what I felt that I did all I could to push him away. I tried to make him stop loving me. I tried to make myself keep away. But he never did, and I never could.

I'll never forget the time he left. Saying goodbye broke my heart and I didn't think I would ever survive. As he held me close I tried so hard to think of a way to make him stay, but I knew he had to leave. I knew I had to let him go. For the last time I heard him tell me that he loved me and I hated myself every day since that I never said it back.

I never once told him that I loved him. I hope that he knew.

Life without John Paul became grey. All the joy I had known left the day he did. But I carried on because there was nothing else I could do.

I asked Sarah to marry me a few months later, but it wasn't to be. I knew that and I think she did too. Maybe she even knew of my love for John Paul. If she did she never said.

And so my life carried on without him and, as it does, the pain began to fade and I was left with the memory of the boy I loved and the boy I let go.

Year later I still had a battered old photograph tucked inside my wallet. His blue eyes still as bright as the first day I kissed his, his smile as full as the first time we made love. It was a photograph I could never throw away. It was a reminder of what could have been. A warning not to let love go so easily.

There was only one man I ever fell in love with and his name was John Paul McQueen and when I saw him again I knew that my love for him had never died.


	3. Chapter 3

There was something about that first pint on a Friday evening that tasted so much better than any other drink the rest of the week.

It had been a warm day and John Paul had discarded his jacket and tie over the nearest barstool, pushing up his sleeves as he ordered his drink.

Taking hold of his glass John Paul took a moment to savour the coolness against his skin, the tingle on his fingertips as the frosty liquid chilled them.

Raising the glass to his parted lips he let the golden liquid pour slowly over his tongue, filling his mouth before trickling it's way down his throat, cooling and soothing as it went, the alcohol washing away the stresses of a working week.

Taking the glass from his mouth John Paul's head turned automatically as he heard the bar door open. An instinctive reflex, which would sometimes reward him with the smile from a friend, but more often it was the blank stare of a stranger that would greet his gaze.

Today was different.

The pint glass slipped from John Paul's hand shattering, unnoticed at his feet, the liquid soaking his shoes. John Paul didn't move. He stood motionless his eyes locked upon the figure of the man who had just entered.

The dark haired man had looked over at the sound of breaking glass and he too was now stood, unable to move, his gaze locked with John Paul's.

At last John Paul began to move his feet, walking slowly forward, the broken glass crunching under foot, until he reached the centre of the bar where the dark haired man was waiting.

Suddenly John Paul's mouth felt dry, the recent lubrication of the alcohol long since forgotten, the ran his tongue over his parched lips until finally he found a voice to speak, saying the one word he hadn't said in a long time.

"Craig…"

His voice cracked as he spoke, but he savoured feel of that name in his mouth after all those years, felt it roll around his tongue like a lovers caress.

"John Paul…"

The sound of his name in Craig's voice made him almost want to weep. He had lost count of the number of times he had dreamt of hearing that voice again, of seeing that beautiful face.

The years had been kind to Craig, hardly seeming to have touched him at all. The soft brown eyes were still as gentle as John Paul remembered; full of life and laughter and of love. The curve of Craig's mouth was still as full as it had been the last time John Paul tasted it, the smile still as wide and bright. And if the years had added a few pounds to the slender figure it did nothing to detract from his exquisiteness.

John Paul seemed unable to speak, the shock of seeing Craig again was more than he could take, his mind was racing but it was his body that finally took control, pulling Craig into his arms and holding him tightly.

John Paul's grip on the other man was fierce, as he held on tightly, afraid to let go, afraid that Craig would vanish into the night just as he had every time that John Paul had dreamed of him.

Finally Craig had to break free of the tremendous hug as the last of the air was pushed from his body leaving him gasping for breath.

John Paul reluctantly let Craig free from his arms.

"How are you… why… where…" A million questions tumbled through John Paul's mind and none of them seem able to form into a coherent question.

Craig glanced around the bar noticing that their actions had drawn the attention of the other customers.

"D'you think maybe we should…" Craig nodded over towards a table.

"Right… yes…" John Paul moved over to an empty table in the corner of the room, glancing back as he went, making sure that Craig was still there… that he was real.

As they took their seats at the table facing each other the barman approached with a smile.

"I take it you'll be needing another pint then John?"

For the first time John Paul realised that he has lost his drink and, as he glanced over to where he had been standing, he saw the remains of the broken glass being cleared up.

"I'm so sorry," he said apologetically.

"Not to worry," the barman smile, "same again?"

John Paul nodded.

"And you?" the barman asked turning his attention to Craig.

"Same," he replied without taking his eyes from John Paul, without even questioning what it was that his old friend had been drinking.

Once their drinks had arrived the two men were left alone, their hands resting on the cool Formica table top only inches apart.

"So," Craig began, "John?"

"Hmm?"

"The barman… he called you John… not John Paul…"

"Yeah," John Paul paused to take a drink, "I changed a lot of things when I left Chester… too many memories."

Craig raised his own glass to his mouth taking a large swallow hoping that it would wash down the huge lump in his throat.

"I tried to find you," he said as he place his glass back on the table, "After you'd gone… I really tried."

"You did?"

"I went round to see your mum… loads of time… I begged her to let me know where you'd gone… for an address… a phone number… anything… but she always refused… I even tried to bribe Michaela… offered her money but even that was no use."

"I had no idea," John Paul could feel the first prickle of tears at the back of his eyes as he pictured the Craig he had know pleading for information and being turned away.

"She never told you?"

"No… I told her not to tell me anything that ever happened back home again… especially not about you… I couldn't bear it."

"Did she never wonder why?"

"I told her…" John Paul blinked back the tears as he recalled trying to explain to his mother why he was cutting all ties with his home, with his friends, "I told her that I was in love you with… and that I couldn't be with you… so I had to go… I had to leave you behind… for good. But I think she always suspected there was more, she just never said."

Craig nodded in understanding, "That'll be why she told me to just leave you alone, that I'd hurt you enough. I'm sorry John Paul. I'm sorry for everything."

The conflicting emotions raging through John Paul made him dizzy. The memory of the pain he felt walking away from Craig all those years ago mixed with the devastating joy at finally being able to gaze into those tender brown eyes again.

He smiled, placing his hand over Craig's, relishing the warmth and the softness of the skin beneath his fingers.

"I know," he reassured Craig, "I always knew. I never blamed you for any of it. We had… what we had… and I wouldn't have changed that for anything. But I always knew it couldn't last… maybe we were just too young."

Craig's eyes rested on the hand covering his.

"Would you have stayed… if I'd asked?"

"But you never did."

"I wanted to… that last day… when we said goodbye. I wanted so much to just tell everyone, to beg you not to go. Would you have stayed?"

John Paul considered the question. He remembered that farewell as if it only happened yesterday. The feeling of Craig trembling in his arms. Praying every second that Craig would stop him from going.

"I would have stayed," he admitted, "but you never asked."

"I was stupid," there was such regret in Craig's voice that it made John Paul want to weep, "I didn't realise what I was losing… and then I couldn't get it back."

John Paul squeezed Craig's hand.

"It was a long time ago," he said, his tone light, masking the ache he felt in his chest, the remnants of a pain that had never quite gone away. "What did you do… after I'd gone?"

Craig raised his eyes to John Paul before pulling his hand from under the compassionate grip it was in and taking a long drink from his glass.

"I asked Sarah to marry me," he blurted out.

"OH!… I didn't…"

"It was a few weeks after you'd gone. I don't know… I just needed… I needed to believe that you going was the right thing, that it was for the best."

"So you're married?" John Paul's eyes flickered over Craig's left hand where he saw no sign of a ring.

"We never got that far," Craig said with a sigh, "We did the whole engagement party thing… we had a date, plans, everything… and then…"

"And then?"

"I told her I wasn't in love with her and I couldn't go through with it."

"Shit!"

"Yeah… I guess I made a habit of hurting people that year."

Both men were quiet for a moment as simultaneously they reached for their drinks pouring the golden liquid down their throats until the glasses were empty.

John Paul realised there was still a question he hadn't asked.

"You never said… why are you here?"

"New job," Craig explained, "Just moved into the neighbourhood."

"I see," John Paul was torn between the delightful news that Craig wasn't just passing through, and the disappointment that this man turning up in his life again really was nothing more that a wonderful coincidence.

Ten years seemed to melt away as the beer and the conversation flowed, a friendship they had both treasured being reborn before their eyes. The hours flew by and John Paul barely registered as his work mates came over to say goodnight.

The conversation came easy as they discussed their lives and careers over the years they had been apart.

With a sudden laugh Craig remembered something that he hadn't told John Paul yet.

"Hannah got married," he said with glee.

"She did?" John Paul's pleasure was genuine, he had always regretted the pain that he had caused her.

"Yeah… I saw her… about 2 years ago and she was expecting her third kid!"

"Good for Hannah, I hope she's really happy. She deserves it. I never did tell her just how sorry I was."

Craig nodded his understanding, "Some things can just be too hard to say… you think you've got all the time in the world… and then before you know it you've missed your chance."

The air between them was heavy with tension, with all the things they had left unsaid threatening to pour out between lips loosened with alcohol.

John Paul spoke quickly and without thinking, "So what about you? You never married Sarah… but is there anyone now?"

It was a question John Paul didn't want to know the answer to. It was the one question he had been avoiding asking all evening. It was also the one question he couldn't leave unasked.

"There's no one," Craig told him, "I mean… there has been… I've not been single for the last 10 years… but no one I ever wanted to spend my life with. What about you?"

"A few relationships," John Paul said, "But non of them every really took… something was always missing."

"_It was you Craig_," the voice in John Paul's head screamed, "_It was YOU that was missing_."

"Was there ever…" John Paul chewed at his lip thoughtfully unsure if he should even ask.

"What?"

"Did you… I mean… those relationships you had… were they all with women?"

Craig nodded. "I always told you I wasn't gay John Paul," he said with a laugh, "There was only ever you."

John Paul was surprised at how happy he felt hearing that, knowing that what he had shared with Craig, no matter how brief had only ever been between the two of them.

"Look I'm really sorry John but we're trying to close up."

John Paul and Craig both looked up at the sudden approach of the barman with surprise. John Paul's eyes opened wide as he took a quick look at his watch, where had the evening gone?

"We did call time a while back."

The men smiled at each other, neither of them had heard a thing, had been aware of anything but each other for the past few hours.

"Yeah, sorry," John Paul apologised, "We'll drink up and get out of you way."

The barman smiled in gratitude and left them to finish the remains of their drinks.

Stood at the door of the bar with his coat in his hand John Paul turned to his old friend, his old lover, the one person he had never expected to see again.

"I can't tell you how good it's been seeing you again Craig."

Without warning Craig grabbed for John Paul's hand holding it as if his very being depended on it.

"John Paul… I…" He seemed suddenly flustered and unsure of himself.

"What is it?" John Paul rested a reassuring hand on Craig's shoulder, "What's wrong."

"I never said… I wanted to but I never did… and then you were gone and it was too late."

"Never said what?" John Paul could feel Craig's hand tremble.

"I loved you John Paul… I never told you that I loved you." Craig's gentle brown eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"I always knew that Craig, but it's good to hear… even after all these years."

"But that's not all," Craig continued letting go of John Paul's grip and cupping the mans face between his hands, "I still do. I love you."

Craig leaned forward and pressed his lips against the sweetness of John Paul's mouth sharing with him a kiss as wonderful as those he remembered, a kiss that he never wanted to leave so long before experiencing again.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a time when the memory of Craig Dean was more than I could stand and I would do my best to block all thoughts of him from my mind.

There was a time when I would find comfort in my memories of him, in the knowledge that I could love someone so entirely, in the hope that I would find such a love again.

And there was the day that he walked back into my life and I knew that there would never be another person on this planet that I could love more completely than I loved him.

Almost ten years after I walked away from him I found him back in my arms, his lips against mine, and I knew without question that nothing would come between us again. The fears of youth had long since passed and neither of us was prepared to walk away this time.

I had always regretted never telling John Paul how I really felt, that I let him walk out of my life without fighting for him.

I never told him the trouble I had finding him again, better to let him think it was a happy coincidence. He would never know the months of endless searching before I found him, how a simple comment made by his sister had given me just enough information to track down the love of my life.

Walking into the bar that day and seeing him standing there it was as if the past 10 years had melted away and I knew that this time I was ready to let him know that I loved him.

Kissing him again after so long apart felt like coming home. I was where I belonged, where I wanted to be and this time I wasn't about to let him go.

Craig stepped back allowing his hands to fall from John Paul's face.

A hush fell between the two men as John Paul simply stared in amazement at Craig's declaration.

Finally, taking John Paul's silence as rejection, Craig turned to leave. He should have known better, he had no right to assume that he could walk back into John Paul's life after 10 years and expect to be greeted with the same love he had once known.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I should never have…" Craig's words drifted off as, with slumped shoulders, he prepared to walk away.

A hand gripping tightly on to his arm stopped Craig from leaving, instead turning him back to face John Paul.

"I never expected…" John Paul's eyes were wide with wonder; "I never stopped loving you Craig, not for a minute."

Craig's face broke into a wide smile as John Paul pulled the man back into his arms, resuming their recent kiss with passion, until noises from the street reminded them both that they were still stood in the pub doorway.

Craig took in the décor of John Paul's home with a knowing grin, it was just as he had expected. Simply furnished in pale colours with a twin turntable in a corner surrounded by shelves of old vinyl.

Craig ran his hands over the spins of the records.

"You still play," he asked.

"Sometimes," John Paul replied, "Mostly just for my own pleasure these days… maybe the occasional party for a friend."

"And you're STILL using vinyl?"

"They sound better!"

"You are SUCH an old man!" Craig couldn't help but laugh, "Where do you even GET vinyl these days?"

"It's not easy," John Paul confessed, "But there are still one or two places, if you know where to look."

Craig's eyes continued to take in his surroundings finally coming to rest on a framed photograph of John Paul's family. The familiar smiles of the McQueen women shining out at him through the glass.

"This looks like an old picture… must have been taken…?"

"The day I left," John Paul lowered his eyes; he could still remember the faces of the strong women who had shaped his life, smiling as he held the camera in shaking hands, taking one last memento before leaving them all behind.

"I'm so sorry," Craig felt the familiar stab of guilt at the realisation that John Paul hadn't just left him behind in Chester, he had left the love and support of his family too.

"It was a long time ago," as John Paul raised his eyes back to Craig they were sparkling a dazzling blue, "There's no need to be sorry any more. Tea?"

Craig shook his head as he approached John Paul.

"I'm not thirsty," he said pulling the other man into his arms and slipping his hands under the hem of John Paul's shirt to make contact with the warm flesh beneath.

They stood frozen for a moment, their faces mere inches apart, their breath mingling into a hot vapour between them and their hearts racing with excitement.

John Paul's hands moved slowly as they undid the buttons of Craig's shirt, running his fingers over the exposed skin of his chest before pushing the garment to the floor. 

His eyes drank in the sight of Craig's naked torso. So much like the body he remembered and yet still slightly changed. His fingers paused at a Celtic design in black on Craig's left shoulder.

"That's new."

Craig turned his head to where John Paul's finger rested, "Yeah… drunken night… seemed like a good idea! What about you? Anything new under this shirt."

"Not me," John Paul grinned, "I guess I just never got drunk enough."

"Still I'd better check."

Within seconds John Paul's shirt was a crumpled white heap on the floor and Craig's hands had come to rest against his belt.

Craig paused for a moment, unable to keep the doubt and uncertainty from his eyes. He had been telling the truth when he told John Paul that there had been no other men in his life and the reservation he had felt at 18 tugged at the back of his mind.

"We don't have to," John Paul said, his tone soft and understanding, "Just having you here is enough."

Craig's grip slipped from John Paul's belt reaching out instead to take hold of his hands.

"I meant it when I said that I loved you," he said.

"I know," John Paul replied gently.

"Then let me show you," Craig whispered as he brushed a gentle kiss across John Paul's lips.

Still holding his hand tightly John Paul turned away to lead Craig to the bedroom.

Craig couldn't help but smile as he entered the bedroom. Decorated in the same simple style as the main living area it was so reminiscent of the room John Paul had occupied in the McQueen house, even the bedding was the same shade of blue. 

"That's a bigger bed than we were used to," Craig chuckled.

Craig felt John Paul move to stand directly behind him, the warmth of his chest pressed against Craig's naked back, his arms slipped around Craig's waist and his chin resting lightly on Craig's shoulder.

"We never used to mind being squashed up in my single as I recall," mused John Paul.

"True," Craig agreed wistfully tilting his head back slightly to lean against John Paul's.

They stood in a contented silence for a few moments. Craig couldn't remember ever feeling so comfortable, so at peace before. Being held in John Paul's arms like that felt like a moment in heaven.

"I never realised." Craig didn't know that he had spoken out loud until John Paul replied.

"Realised what?"

Craig raised his head and turned in the circle of John Paul's arms until he could look into those deep blue eyes.

"I never realised how much losing you was going to hurt…"

Without warning a tear began to trickle down Craig's cheek, his eyes filled with sorrow.

John Paul gently brushed the tear from Craig's face replacing it with a single kiss.

"I was never lost," he whispered, "I was just gone for a little while."

Craig reached a hand up to John Paul's face, running his fingers of the softness of his cheek before tracing the curve of his lips.

"And I never knew that finding you again could feel this good," he breathed as he leaned in to taste again the sweetness of John Paul's mouth.

John Paul pulled Craig in close as their kiss deepened with the passion that they had both been searching for, a passion that it had taken them 10 years to find again.

John Paul's hands fumbled with Craig's belt making Craig sigh with anticipation as their softness passed over his hips, easing his trousers slowly out of the way. 

Resting his hands on John Paul's shoulders for balance Craig stepped out of the rest of his clothing before returning his eyes to the incredible passion he could see in the blue eyes that were observing his naked body with desire.

Craig smiled with the realisation that he felt completely at ease under John Paul's gaze, more so than with any of the women he had taken to his bed over the years.

He watched hypnotised at John Paul slowly peeled away his own clothes, leaving them abandoned in the middle of the room as he pulled the naked form of Craig back into his embrace.

Craig's lips moved with words he couldn't find, but the time for words seemed to have passed and all he wanted now was to feel the heat of John Paul again, to remember the pleasures that he had denied himself for so long.

John Paul's mouth rained kisses down Craig's neck before pausing to bite it, lightly at first but his bite growing harder as the growls from Craig's throat encouraged his actions.

As one they climbed onto the bed, hands and mouths never ceasing to caress, to taste, to explore. A need was building up between them that made them cling to each other in desperation.

Facing each other and on their knees John Paul broke away from the kiss to sit back on his heels before stretching out a hand to trace a lazy path down Craig's chest and over his belly.

Craig's watched as the hand moved ever lower, his heart racing as it reached his belly button. 

John Paul's eyes burned into Craig as he observed the reaction his simple touch was having. After a short while of running his hand over Craig's trembling torso he finally decided his teasing had gone on long enough and, pulling his own body back up against the one before him, he allowed his hand to trail those last few inches, listening to the soft moans as he took Craig's cock in his hand began and stroking it lightly.

Craig couldn't believe that he had forgotten how good it felt to have John Paul touch him. Nobody else had ever known just how to touch him the way John Paul did, Craig shook with a need that he hadn't felt in so long.

Craig wrapped his trembling hand around the firmness of John Paul's cock, marvelling in the strangely familiar sensation of touching another man so intimately again.

Their lips crashed together in a kiss fuelled by an intensity that took them both by surprise. Their grip on each other tightening as their tongues fought a heated battle inside their open mouths.

Craig gasped as he moved back from John Paul's kiss, he had never wanted somebody so much, never felt a desire so strong as the one he experienced at John Paul's touch.

Locking his eyes with John Paul's Craig nodded his head, a small gesture that spoke volumes between them. John Paul raised an eyebrow in question, "Are you sure?" his eyes asked. Craig simply nodded again, smiling that he still didn't need words to be able to communicate his feelings with this man, he had never been surer of anything.

John Paul moved to the side of the bed, leaning over and dipping his hand inside the drawer of his bedside cabinet. Fishing out a small bottle John Paul's eyes fell upon the photograph that he kept there. The dark smiling eyes of the 18-year-old boy he had loved looking up at him from their hidden location. 

Pushing the drawer closed John Paul couldn't help but smile. He had never expected to see those eyes again, much less see them filled with such love for him.

Craig rested his hands against the coolness of the wall behind the headboard, feeling the fibre of the wallpaper beneath his fingertips, gasping softly as he felt the warmth of John Paul's hand running down his back.

It took every ounce of John Paul's strength to hold back in his need to take possession of the body before him, instead he touched Craig slowly, ran his hands over the lightly tanned flesh and caressed the roundness of his behind. 

Opening the bottle John Paul massaged a little of its oily contents into Craig's skin, pouring it over his buttocks and listening to the soft sigh from Craig as gently ran his hands through the silkiness.

John Paul ran his hands over the slickness of Craig's buttocks, running his fingertip between them. Craig gasped with pleasure as John Paul gently but firmly eased his finger into his eager body, biting his lip as it moved a little deeper.

Craig's need grew with each second, with each touch of John Paul's hands.

"Please John Paul," he breathed.

Needing no further encouragement John Paul slowly guided himself into Craig revelling in the feeling of the hot body gripping him tightly.

Craig let out a whimper as he felt himself being stretched in a way he hadn't felt in so long causing John Paul to pause.

"Don't stop," Craig breathed. He knew that this moment of discomfort would quickly pass and, as John Paul began to move deeper inside him, he felt the long forgotten pleasure coursing through his flesh.

John Paul held tightly onto Craig's hips as he moved himself deeper, holding back the urge to completely let go, wanting to make this moment last for as long as he could.

Pressing his mouth against the crook of Craig's neck he bit gently into the flesh, tasting the salty sweetness of his skin. And then, as he bit a little harder, a sudden sharp metallic tang as his teeth sank deep enough to draw blood.

John Paul seemed unable to remove his teeth from the firmness of the flesh in his mouth and, judging by the sounds coming from Craig, the quickening speed of his breath, Craig had no desire for him to stop.

Sliding his hands around Craig's body John Paul took hold of his cock in his oiled grip and held it firmly, moving over it's length in time with the motion of his own cock buried deep inside Craig.

Craig's fingers clawed at the wallpaper, the feeling of John Paul inside him and holding him so tightly making his body ache with the need for release.

The speed of John Paul's movements increased steadily, pushing himself as deeply inside Craig as he could, making Craig cry out in delight as his cock pressed against that exquisite point, touching it again and again with each thrust, until Craig could hold back no longer.

John Paul felt Craig begin to pulse in his grip as his body tensed, his passionate need building to a fever pitch, his breathing ragged, his moans and cries growing louder.

Unable to hold back a second longer Craig welcomed the climax that ripped though his flesh as John Paul's grip on his cock tightened, his teeth sinking into his neck, making his body shudder with pleasure as he came, his orgasm washing over him in waves until he could hardly remember his own name.

The vibrations running through Craig's body pulsed over John Paul's cock, causing the final drive to push him over the edge as he gave in to his desire, thrusting himself hard into Craig as he came, pouring himself into that beautiful body.

John Paul held onto Craig tightly waiting for the trembling of their bodies to pass before reluctantly easing himself backward. He stoked his hand over Craig's back, slick with sweat, pausing to press his thumb against the redness of blood at his neck.

"You'll have a mark there tomorrow," he said softly, "Sorry about that!"

Craig turned to face his lover, his eyes shining with love and satisfaction, "I don't mind."

John Paul pulled Craig into his arms, holding him tightly confident in the knowledge that this time he never had to let go again.

John Paul lay quietly, watching as sleep finally overtook Craig, his long dark lashes resting against his cheeks and his chest rising and falling with each restful breath.

He realised that this would be the first time he would ever spend the night with Craig. Despite their time as lovers he had never been able to spend the night with Craig in his arms or wake with him in the morning. At last he could hold Craig through the night and have Craig's face be the first thing he would see when he awoke.

Ten years had changed many things for John Paul. His life had changed so completely from that of the 17-year-old boy who left home to save his heart being broken, only to find that it was too late.

But the one thing that hadn't changed was how much he loved Craig.

John Paul laid his head back against the pillow finally allowing the blanket of sleep to wash over him.

Tonight he wouldn't have to dream of Craig or wonder where he was and if he was happy. Tonight his dream had come true, Craig was here with him and they were both the happiest that they had ever been. 

Craig moved in with me after that night and he's never left. It wasn't something that we had to discuss, it just happened as naturally as breathing. Being together was where we belonged, having him with me finally made my house feel like a home.

After ten years I remembered how it felt to wake up feeling truly happy because I woke up with him. 

We knew that it wouldn't always be easy and there were times when we would argue like any couple. But there was never a time when I doubted how much I loved him, and I never had reason to doubt he loved me too.

I had always been certain that I wasn't gay. For a while I had even tried to convince myself that what I shared with John Paul was just an experiment of my youth. But as the years passed and the pain of losing him never faded I realised that what I shared with John Paul was love, a love that I had never known before or since.

Moving in with John Paul made my life complete and I knew that from that moment I would never love another person for the rest of my life.

Gay or straight really didn't matter.

I was just me.

I'm Craig Dean and I'm in love with the most amazing man in the world, and he loves me back.


End file.
